Stuck on a Rung
For those of us on a conscious path toward Spiritual awareness, we often use the ladder as our favorite metaphor. Well, I don’t know about any of you out there, but I think I’m stuck on a rung. The number is not important, even if I knew, but seeming to be stuck is my point. Anyone want to lend a hand?
Actually, never mind. Your hand does not exist. And besides, if I tried to use it, I’d fall. And I would truly fall because the moment I believe you can help me, is the moment I have once again, ‘fallen’ for the idea that salvation is outside of me. Frankly, those of you standing here with me on this rung are the only ones I am talking to, because those above us, are most likely listening to others on their rung, since just as we go through a door with no handles and can’t back through it, as we move up a rung, the previous one disappears! So, to my friends on the same rung, I’ve got to tell you a quick story….. even though I know you are not actually ‘there.’ Indulge me, if you will.
I think I landed upon this rung when I believed that the choice for Spirit was a better one than the choice for ego, and I certainly don’t want to go back. The ego is a nasty invention, and although I know I am apt to think I still choose it, I’ve at least got it figured out that it brings only temporary states of happiness if it does anything at all. I was granted a few experiences that showed me glimpses of ‘more’ than what this world of ego rule offers, and so I decided once and for all, not to ask ego for any advice, and also to look at its shenanigans as often and as honestly as possible, in order to keep clearly on the right path: toward awareness of Spirit.
So, here I am, wanting now to go to the next one as you are most likely wanting as well. For quite some time on this rung, I’ve wondered what it was I needed to understand, in order to move on. I waited, and a few years have passed. But in the past few days I’ve had a nagging feeling and a few coincidences to enforce the feeling of an impending ‘leap.’
First I must tell you that all this time upon this rung, I’ve been sooo enthralled and grateful to be able to hear Spirit on occasion, that I’ve been inclined, often, to write many poems and stories I think were divinely inspired. I set up my own blog and I write about what I have learned, so others can enjoy. It seems I can’t stop writing, and have no other place to put them. So, sometimes, in need of an ear out there, I often send these writings to family members who have no idea about what I am speaking, and I try as well to get them published in magazines, but to no avail.. I want others to listen…. to hear what I hear; to be able to share my new found joy! And I suppose I want for others to acknowledge my chosen path, and gifts. This much I acknowledge, but cannot for the life of me, get due satisfaction.
So, today, I took a walk in nature, thinking on this, and as I did, I kept hearing ……’There is no one to impress.’
I answer.…’What?’ inside this mind of mine.
The Voice again says…’There is no one to impress.’
I don’t like the sound of that. NO, Spirit, I have things to say! I want others to feel my joy. I have a purpose, a role to play, and I will do it for the betterment of my life and others.
And He responds, “There is no one to impress.’
I sort of wish He’d at least change the wording or emphasize one word or another, for variety. No, I shake my head, and I finally admit, I wish he would not say that, at all.
But, willing as I am to move on, I asked Spirit, Whose VoiceI heard, that I understand this, once and for all. And then I came to a defining moment of thought.
You see, so far, I’ve believed that we, you and I, are both Spirit and Ego, and that I was choosing one or the other. When I wrote my poetry or stories, I chose Spirit, and the reward was in the writing. But viewing this outside of Spirit, there were no rewards.
That is because, we are not both Spirit and Ego. Because ego is nothing and so are its rewards. All of its projections on which to impress upon, and things it chooses to use as impressive acts to entice us….are nothing. The ego, who attaches himself to the writing is not a ‘thing’ at all; but the words in the writing is indeed of Spirit. The attachment to it, is ego.
But, ego is not in existence. Only my ego thinks it is and thus values the valueless; values what is not there; hoping for rewards in an empty treasure chest.
And as I learn this, do I also see that if there is no ‘me’ writing and teaching, but only Spirit, there really is no one else either. And so….there is no one to impress. There is no one to write to. There is no one to tell of my Joy. There is only One, and He is the joy and the lesson learned.
But let me back up and tell you how I came to understand this, or shall I say...how I have begun to understand this?
So, I say…’But, I have a need to tell of my joy. I have a need to write. Don’t I?” It seems a silence comes back to me. It speaks volumes. I want to throw a temper tantrum but part of me thinks ‘someone might see me.’ I laugh and think...‘How could they?’ They are my own projections on which my devilish ego would love to impress a temper tantrum upon, knowing, then, they will see how very angry and special I am. I will show them! I want to scream, even knowing upon deaf ears it would fall.
Then, I hear the same Voice in my beautiful mind that seems to know things I have forgotten. He says, sweetly, kindly..…’If the Buddha stood in your midst, would you try to impress him?”
Silly question! I snickered to myself. Then, I answered. “Of course not. Who could impress the Buddha?”
Then, another whisper …”If Jesus were to walk with you right now, would you try to impress him? Would you share your writing with him?”
Of course not, I said, as a tear trickled down my lonely cheek. ‘He already knows.’
And then, appearing in this beautiful mind, the Buddha with his big smile, and round belly, and Jesus with his open arms and hands outreached, each spoke. “Then why do you try, with the others, for those others are me.” said the Buddha.
Then...“As you do to your brother, so do you do to me” said our brother, Jesus.
I stopped walking and looked down at my feet and then, looked ahead at the long, rung-less dirt path in front of me. Then I thought, ‘I will try, one more time. I placed my foot in front of the other and I took a step; how easy it seemed.
As I walked, I thought of how I needed to tell You this story ~ my friends on the ladder, so I could thank you all, for being the Buddha, the One, the Christ, the Love in my Mind, reminding me to be still and just remember...
